When a Wedding Planner agrees to be Day of Coordinator

Do you have a job that has a totally different title than what you do? Day of coordination is not what its name implies. Instead of just the day of, it entails working with the couple and vendors to review contracts, create timelines, and look for inconsistencies in the planning process, all of which takes about two months. Then you show up on the day of the wedding to run the event—an event you didn’t plan yourself, even though you have the title of planner. This is a very important piece to remember. It is much harder than full planning because of the lack of control. We are not there through the planning process so our couples have picked their vendors, negotiated with their vendors, and hired them sometimes without an understanding of how a full wedding is planned. That’s not their fault. For the majority of them, it’s their first time getting married.

“You don’t know what you don’t know.” And with planning, unfortunately, some questions don’t get asked, and some don’t get answered. How do you know what to ask? There are people planning weddings who have only planned a birthday party for a four-year-old. It’s unfortunate, but does that really qualify them as a planner?

Problems inevitably occur, and the things that fall through the cracks are often the very things we alert our couples to, complete with solutions, but sometimes these solutions are ignored, even though we give them specific directions for how to fix it before it becomes a major issue.

As a wedding planner, we want to fix any problems that come up, but we also have boundaries. If we don’t fix the problem, there could be consequences. On the other hand, if we do fix it, it’s like we did it for free, because we have not been paid for those services It is a difficult balance to strike. Where do we find the happy medium? How do we keep the boundaries but also make sure that our clients have a perfect day? The easiest answer is that sometimes, we just can’t.There are occasions when a client does not heed our advice. When this happens, their planning process is motivated by monetary considerations. There is nothing we can do about it when these decisions lead to preventable problems. So, when the AV equipment malfunctions because Uncle Ralph is running it or Spotify does not work, the client looks to us to fix the problem. Although we are the coordinators and planners, we may not have the technical skills necessary to troubleshoot sound system issues that belong to venues. For those situations, we hire professionals who do have those skills. We stay in our lane, do what we do best, and allow the other professionals to do their jobs. A planner is not supposed to be a jack of all trades and master of none. I was hired for this, but it requires knowledge, dedication, and talent in my trade. If we also do other work for a wedding, the client is not getting the full value of what they paid for. If you need other jobs done, there are skilled and experienced providers available that specialize in those fields. I’m sure we can all appreciate them and respect what they do. I often state, I am not Legoland or Build A Bear but I know someone who is. Everyone has their talents, but no one can be an expert at everything. To make a clients dream wedding a reality, focus on your talents, then hire specialists to supplement your skills and help complete the rest. That’s how the best weddings are put together.

Quite often, I work as a day-of coordinator for weddings. In other words, I’m there weeks before the wedding and then on the day of the wedding to make sure everything goes according to the schedule and all the vendors perform their services. This can be a delicate balance at times, and if something goes wrong, I’m often blamed because even if I’m there just for the day, my title is that of planner. That makes it sound like I was involved in the whole planning process, when in fact I wasn’t. Nevertheless, I still get the blame per se. Sometimes I think, “Is it really worth that one day?” But then I realize that I love what I do, I believe in what I do, and watching two best friends commit their lives to each other is by far the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed (minus being a mother and nonna).

So kudos to all of my fellow vendors who have perfected their craft, I appreciate you and I appreciate not doing your job! Happy Wedding season, see you on the other side!